Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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