My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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