Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
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there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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