why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
