I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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