I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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