This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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