At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
