My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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