I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
