I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I bet he comes in French.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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