if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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