Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
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