My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
