I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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