the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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