I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
