This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
