dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Girls should come with a carfax report
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
