No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
