I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
