the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
