He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
