Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
