She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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