We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
