I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
