I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
