You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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