Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
