he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
