Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
is that a dick in a sweater?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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