You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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