Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
