the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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