How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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