She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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