The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
