I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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