I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
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