Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
