The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i think i scared a bird with my dick
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
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