all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
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It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
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Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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