I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
