Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
