I could have mohawked her pubes.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
you're hired as official boob wrangler
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
