They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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