How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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