Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
