Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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