do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
