youre lurking in front of me
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I have post one night stand depression
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
