they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
As shirtless as possible
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
