Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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