I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Randomize
