We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
