and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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