I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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