How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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