theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
