Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
