New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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