so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
