Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
