You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
