Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
