weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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