I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
