im about as happy as oj after his trial
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
