Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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