i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
