also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
