oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Randomize
