do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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