someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
