I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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